Little Wonders

sometimes it is tiring and wonder whether what I am doing is good enough. I always have to think whether if I spend time by myself and not thinking about other people and not catching up with people, am I being too selfish?
It has taken a toll on me and this previous week was too much of people around me that I decided to go on an alone trip to the mall. Just being myself there and trying to think things through. People.Me. God. 
There's just too much of thoughts that I need to arrange myself properly before I start another week of the same routine again.
Realizing that it's not easy at all to make sure that everyone is ok and that they are taken care of. some just felt like breaking down, some people are always saying they are ok, and some are always happy. And me, I try to be there for each one but I felt so unequipped and lacked that I felt like I didn't give my all. I felt so helpless. I want to be there, and I want to let them know that I care. but I didn't.

But, well, I know that I have Him, and I know I can be rest assured in Him.

Looking forward for home. I need it.

sometimes I wonder how people can be so real and true to strangers, their friends about there deepest and darkest secrets. I,myself is not someone like that who is able to totally share out my feelings. I wonder if I am normal or not. I remember once when I cried to God to help me to be normal like others. It's not that I'm really that abnormal or what, but just trying to find a secure place to rant out and be who I am without actually hiding my fears, failures, happiness and joy.

it's hard.

but somehow, God is so real and true that He has always been my secret keeper and my hiding place. When times of loneliness, it is Him whom I find my refuge and totally be naked in front of Him. He is my bestest of friends. Even my closest friends, my family don't know the struggles I had inside me because I just don't know how to share it out. my insecurities, and thoughts, doubts. He never actually replied me in audible voice to calm the raging storms inside me but I know that He is there, in the storm with me. When I go for a walk alone, I know that He is there, walking beside me. I know that there's some people whom their fear is being lonely. I wonder why. I, in particularly, enjoyed my lonely walks. Just because I can just have my small talks with Jesus. I won't talk it loud to Him,though, but just thinking out loud. He hears my thoughts. =) And coming out of it, I am refreshed and felt His peace in me. Christ is enough for me.

Just lately, there's are lot of thoughts in my mind about God. and well, there's so much truth and reality in Him. sometimes things that I can't answer, I didn't really think much, but just having faith in Him because whose mind can fathom how great is this God?

=)
just afternoon small thoughts.

Realized that my laptop has been kinda slow these days. Don't know why, probably too much stuff inside. Well, I just found out that my this faithful lappie has been serving me for more than 5 years. And ohhh...I am still loving it.. I found out that when other people uses my laptop, she will suddenly lagged or something wrong will go wrong with it but she always serves me happily. lol.
Ah well, nothing can replace you. You are my first and hopefully, I will never have to replace you because how much you have gone through with me. STPM, my first years in uni and hopefully able to graduate with you too.
So, don't buat hal and be nice to me ok ?
=)

Thanks lappie! your master loves you much.
#there's an expiry to everything but there's no expiry date in God

I am just God's vessel. My job is not to change people or to convert people . My job is not to force them to say the sinners prayer and be done with it. My job is to show them that there is a God who loves them as much as He loves me. My job is to tell them that they are not alone, and that there's is someone out there who is far far greater than the problems they are facing right now,and who is always with them.

God is looking for imperfect man and woman who have learned to walk in moment-by-moment dependence on the Holy Spirit- Christians who have come to terms with their inadequacies, fears and failures. Believers who have become discontent with 'surviving' and have taken the time to investigate everything God has to offer in this life. - Charles Stanley 

I have to constantly remind myself that time is too short and if I don't do something with it now, I will lose it forever.

So, I decided that I shall start picking up my lazy butt and go out and be a blessing to others. I decided that my 4 years in uni shall not be wasted and I want to start now. Do something productive, read something, care for others and love unconditionally.

Sometimes I felt that it is hard for me to love others like how I love myself. But God says, love your neighbour as yourself. hm..how ?
By spending quality time with them..

honestly, I have a hard time with that, because my love language is not really time. I can be a bit rushy and as long as I know how you are, then I am fine. But I learn from others and see how much they invested time in me, and truly, that is what impacted me the most.