I realized that my blog is somehow like a traffic light for me. I found out that every time I decided to write something, I will start off with something like how fast time flies. but well, It is, indeed.

Today marks the 6th month since I have started working in Brunsfield. I couldn't say that every day was the best day of my life, or waking up to 'wow, I feel excited to go to work today!'. nah. All those 'my dream job' kinda thing isn't there. There's like a constant thought in my mind 'how long shall I stay here?' and 'do I really fit here?' and 'what on earth am I doing?' and 'argh...so boring. I wished I could do something else'. and the list goes on and on. Times and times, my mind is filled with lots of negativity. so not me.

However, mental battles aside, it was indeed 6 months of learning about myself. I found out that I am not really the person I thought I am all these while. I saw some issues that I need to fix within me. I saw pride and selfishness, I saw greed and lack of security within myself. I thought doing research and writing reports were a bliss, something that I could just whip out in a day or two. But oh, how wrong am I. I still struggle, even after 6 months, to complete something that I would say I am super proud of. Well, all these are my honest struggles. Found out that day (while I was doing a personality test) that I am very much a right brainer - a person who lean more towards emotion, arts, abstracts, images, colours etc. but my job requires me to do alot of left brain stuff which I need to do alot of analysis, details (oh, so bad at this) and facts. Obviously, these are out of my comfort zone and I dread coming to work with facts that I need to know and details I shouldn't miss out. hm. but as I reflect about this, isn't this the things that I need to deal with? Challenges makes us grow. And I believe, I saw the importance of seeing this in another perspective and it's alright to 'hate' your job because it pushes me to be better.

Aside from all that, God has been good. Just yesterday, I said bid my colleague who has been my good companion in my office farewell. I couldn't have imagined that God has provided a friend that I could laugh my heads off in office and share thoughts about life. She is a muslim by the way and well, we shared our perspectives in religion and I got to know more about Islam and she get to know more about Christ. Just sharing, has brought lots of meaning to my work. and that is more important that anything. To bring Christ to work too. =)

Life is not a bed of roses and yes, there is a dream job out there for me. But while I am here, I want to grow and learn as much as I can. I read an article that there's no best dream job. It's all about the attitude and how much we are willing to go get them. I believe that every step that we take is not wasted because there are still treasures in them. Soon, I believe that I will get closer to what I want in life, and what God wants in me.

Ending this post with my an excerpt of my current favourite song, a song that have accompanied me at work. :)

Come thou fount of every blessing
Tune my heart to sing thy grace
Streams of mercy never ceasing
Call for songs of loudest praise
Teach me some melodious sonnet
Sung by flaming tongues above
I'll praise the mount I'm fixed upon it
Mount of thy redeeming love