the end of another year.

and I could say, what a year!

unlocked new achievements, slacked in some ways, stronger in different sides, different in many views.

I could say that this was not an easy year for me, I guessed I am not alone, with other Malaysians as well. Many bits and parts of me bleed with the events that my country faced. And since then, there are many of questions, doubts and disappointments that I have to deal with my God. There's this few months of wondering why, but slowly, He reveals His answers to me, and I have learned to stand stronger in my faith towards Him. A lot of times, I just couldn't understand the things that has happened, but I asked my self, is it important for you to understand and then get angry with God? Why blame Him and not me? Conclusion is that, God's love for me and everyone is so great that He should be the one feeling the greatest disappointments. How dare I feel disappointed to the one who have given all His love towards me?

At the same time, I felt a little bit more pressure to do the things that I should do - the things that God has given the burden in me. So many things to do, but often my greatest enemy is myself.- procrastination. This is one big part of me that I am still lacking . Sometimes I hated this part of me, and brought so many hatred inside of me. hmm. but I often tell myself that God is not finished yet with me. I hope that this process of acknowledging my weaknesses will push me towards a better Alison. hopefully.

Another lesson that I have learn this year is about love. Giving without expecting anything in return. Honestly, I am still so vulnerable in this area. Often times, I realized  that I serve, expecting to be served back, I give, expecting to get back something in return, I encourage, expecting myself to be encouraged as well. No!! it's not like this and I have learned that God has given his unconditional love to us without giving us any rules and conditions. I don't have to do this and that to earn His approvals but just to love Him back. Isn't that the love that God taught us ? Therefore, I have learned to give and expect little. Hence, more genuine love can come out from me and make the world a better place to live. =)

Well, I still saw how God has brought me through, one little step at a time. The countless blessings that He has showered on me, the people that I have met and grown closer to, the lessons that He guided me, It has been a year of little breakthroughs.To look back, I have started to serve God in the worship team in Hope, went to Indonesia and worked in Singapore, spend more time sharing with friends, lending a shoulder to lean on. I don't have to do great and mighty stuff, but I need to be more faithful in the small stuff first.

To conclude the year, I thank you to God, my unwavering faithful Teacher, the God who brought disappointments into Hope and God of amazing grace. 

THE ROSE


It is only a tiny rosebud,
A flower of God's design,
But I cannot unfold the petals
With these clumsy hands of mine.
-
The secret of unfolding flowers
Is not known to such as I,
The flower God opens so sweetly,
In my hands would fade and die.
-
I cannot unfold a rosebud,
This flower of God's design,
Then how can I have wisdom
To unfold this life of mine?
-
So I'll trust Him for His leading
Each moment of every day
And I'll look to Him for His guidance
Each step of the pilgrim way.
-
For the pathway that lies before me
My heavenly Father knows
I'll trust Him to unfold the moments
Just as He unfolds the rose.

~By Author Unknown~

till now,
hello 2015